Blowing a Gasket

I have a confession to make.  I really lost my temper yesterday.  I am not usually a "yeller" but I certainly yelled yesterday.  It was interesting, right before it happened, I actually had the thought, "I am feeling like a volcano about to explode.  I certainly hope I don't."  Well, I did.  Mount Vesuvius, all over the place.  William came running up the stairs to find out what was wrong with me.  Poor Owen and Tommy, they were just being their silly selves--in the bathroom, in their room--and they were a bit shocked to see their mother blow up like a big balloon.  Right after the explosion, James came home (I feel like if he had been there I would have been more in control of myself, but for some reason I didn't have that restraint when I was the only adult present), and we ate dinner quickly (I tried to apologize to the boys, but we were all still a little stressed from the situation), and he and I left for the adult session of our stake conference.  Yep, that's where we were headed.  Was I prepared for a spiritual feast?  Nope.  However, I was humbled.  :-)  James asked me on the way if it felt good to yell.  I had to admit that it felt really good to get that out, however I immediately regretted it.  It was good we went to the conference...I was tempted to just stay home and try to repair what I had done in my wrath, but I needed a break and so did the boys.  Our closing hymn was an eye-opener for me.  "Lord, We Ask Thee Ere We Part" has never been so significant to me.  The last verse especially:  "All our follies, Lord, forgive.  Keep us from temptations free.  Help us evermore to live lives of holiness to thee."  Amen to that prayer.  Someday, when the pitter patter of little feet is gone from the house and there are no more fingerprints on the walls, windows, and doors, I know I will treasure every silly, sad, happy, mad, crazy moment with these five boys.  The trick is to find joy in the journey RIGHT NOW and to guide and direct with love and kindness, not the opposites.  I'm so thankful for the gospel and for kind helpful people in trying to raise these children.  It's certainly the hardest thing James and I have ever done.