Some Parenting Pearls

These are things I was reminded of this week in my parenting class and my favorite parenting book: Love and Logic, by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.

1. No matter what the time constraint, schedule, or frame, it is not as important as the relationship with my child. This is often easier to do with adults--we listen to them better, act less fidgety if we're going to be late, decide to just keep talking even though we know we're going to be dead tired the next day, etc. This is not so easy to do with kids. Ie: trying to have a cozy bedtime cuddle with the older kids, reading a book, talking about the day, etc, with a screaming baby in the other arm. But it is so good when I can remember this. What caused me to be reminded of it this week was a failed practice session with Ryrie. I was trying to rush him through his practice regime before bed and he wasn't feeling it and my blood pressure was rising. Is it worth this? No. Hopefully next time I'll remember to take a break sooner and come back to it at a better time.

2. "Crises" in parenting are going to pass and they will work out. So far my crises are pretty minimal: kids lying to me and/or another adult, a visit to the principal's office this week for some playground misbehavior, my child telling me I'm a mean and bad mom, my other child punching me, a mom calling to tell me she had to discipline my child at her house, baby waking up every two hours all night, etc. These may seem life-changing and scary/harsh at the time they happen, but ultimately, they do pass and life goes on, and the relationship hopefully isn't harmed and we all learn something from this. What's the worst thing that could happen, right? It comes back to love of the child and faith in them and in God, and hope that we are doing our best as parents.

3. I make mistakes every day, and I also have successes every day. Yesterday I got into a power struggle early on in the day (8:00 am, to be exact) with my strong-willed 5 year old over whether or not he could have gum. Was this a poor choice on my part? Yes. Did I wish, by 3:00 in the afternoon that I had not made this choice? Yes. Did I stick to it, come hell or high water? Yes, I did. Did he try every way around it besides theft of said gum? Yes. This morning, when asked for said gum again in a similar fashion, was he refused? Noooooooo. And was I grateful that now the gum has been chewed by 4 little mouths and is out of the house (if not the digestive tract) forever? YESSSS!! So, my pearl: choose my battles wisely, and pick only those that I really feel will have a lasting impact. Will a morning gum chew likely be among those I choose to battle over again? Nope, it will not.